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Unfortunate Plot Summaries

August 21, 2009

My favorite unfortunate plot summaries (for which I can take no credit, but appreciate the exercise and might try my hand at in the comments section):

  • BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
  • BEAUTY AND THE BEAST: Peasant girl develops Stockholm Syndrome.
  • CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
  • CHASING AMY: Homosexuality proved to be passing fancy and sign of sexual deviance.
  • DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national.
  • DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
  • FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.
  • GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.
  • GOOD WILL HUNTING: Underemployed genius squanders prestigious job opportunity to chase trim.
  • HARRY POTTER: Celebrity Jock thinks rules don’t apply to him, is right.
  • LOLITA: Man encourages step-daughter to take chances.
  • STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
  • STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
  • STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
  • SUPERBAD: Boys plan date-rape, sleep together.
  • TAXI DRIVER: Modern dating proves challenging for working class man.
  • THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
  • TWILIGHT: Girl gives up college for stalker.
  • V FOR VENDETTA: Dystopian government overthrown by faceless conformity.
  • WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
  • WAR OF THE WORLDS: Immigrants face difficulty acclimating.
  • WATCHMEN: Homosexual destroys New York, blames God.

Not sure if that should have warranted a spoiler warning, but I think not.

See? Phrasing can be fun!

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