No Use Crying Over Spilt Ink

Hey kids!  Consistent with my dialectic, ever-qualifying, lawyeristic approach (lawyerism sounds too hilarious not to coin), I thought I should note that the topic of publishing as such doesn’t have to be so serious with all the gloom and doom all the time.  Hell, it can even be fun, given our perch as Statlers and Waldorfs overlooking the tumults of media recalibration!

For example, courtesy of McSweeney’s, 6 Pieces of Great Literature Retitled to Boost Website Traffic:

7 Awesome Ways Barnyard Animals Are Like Communism

The 11 Stupidest Things Phonies Do To Ruin The World

8 Surprising Ways West Egg Is Exemplary Of The Hollowness Of The American Dream

6 Shockingly Evil Things The Turn-Of-The-Century Meatpacking Industry Doesn’t Want You To Know

5 Insane Ways London Could Become a Dystopia (And How It’s Not That Far From Reality)

1 Weird Thing Caddy Smells Like

Maybe it’s too easy to take the cheap shots at publishing, but they certainly do make it easy if they don’t set themselves up as a moving target:

The real question here is: do they all use the same newspaper, or do each of these shows take place on the same exact day?  I guess the real explanation is valid, if disheartening, given Hollywood’s devotee-like deference to all forms of display rights.

On that note, there may be a new maxim in town: The more things stay the same, the more they are likely to change in the eyes of a revisionist historian.  Take, for example, this little publishing company that decided to put warning labels on the Constitution and Declaration of Independence, disclaiming, “This book is a product of its time and does not reflect the same values as it would if it were written today.”

The disclaimer goes on to tell parents that they “might wish to discuss with their children how views on race, gender, sexuality, ethnicity, and interpersonal relations have changed since this book was written before allowing them to read this classic work.”

Given that the story was reported by Fox News, I’m surprised that they managed to show enough restraint to only cite the Amazon.com customer reviews’ calls for a publisher boycott, rather than calling for one themselves outright.

And for some self-publishing entertainment, why not print out a few of these totally useless yet totally awesome fliers and post them around your neighborhood?  E.g.,

And to wrap things up on a bittersweet note, check out Calvin Minus Hobbes.  It’s not as totally depressing as the one where Calvin gets put on Ritalin, or as suggestive of the non-cat’s psychosis as Garfield Minus Garfield, but it leaves me feeling wistful.

Well, at least we can always go exploring!